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"Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work." -- William Arthur Ward

It's been kind of an "off" week. Just been kinda down, unmotivated, and overwhelmed with life as a whole. In staying true to my goal to journal at least once a week, here I sit. While trying to come up with a subject to write about, I received an email, which included the above quote. It speaks volumes!

Do more than belong: participate...

Everybody wants to belong, but for many of us, it's difficult to participate. In some instances, it's best not to participate, but I can think of times in my life when I've stepped outside of my comfort zone to be a part of something, and I'm a better person for it. I can also think of times when I've allowed the introvert to sit back and watch, and I know without a doubt, I've missed out on opportunities as a result. In order to grow, we must first plant the seeds. Give yourself permission to dig deep, plant those seeds, feed your soul, and watch yourself blossom!

Do more than care: help...

The subject of service seems to be popping up a lot lately, reasons to serve, opportunities to serve, promptings to serve. I've always enjoyed serving others, it puts a smile on my face. Lately, I've found myself wanting to reach out and help but have been too consumed and exhausted with my own life to follow through. Not that I never serve, but I don't always accept the opportunities presented to me. Time for an attitude change, as I know I'll be blessed if I choose to serve. I think we are blessed with a natural instinct to serve, but over the years it has become supressed...within ourselves and within our society. We need to be the change we want to see in the world. Choose to help someone everyday, even if it's just a simple smile.

Do more than believe, practice...

This is an area I truly need to work on. I grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Though this doesn't only apply to religion or spirituality, I believe it is the root of all things (no matter your faith or beliefs). I've always had a simple faith, a feeling within me that certain things are true. I believe in God, our Eternal Father and in His son, Jesus Christ. I believe there is a Heaven, life after death, Eternal Families. I believe that life is a gift, and we each have a purpose. I believe that God gave his only begotten Son, so that we may live again. I believe a lot of things. BUT, there are many things I don't fully understand. That's where practice comes in. We are blessed with so many resources in this world today. I've attempted a number of times to read scriptures and to seek a better knowledge, but it's not easy. Though I've never been diagnosed or tested or anything along those lines...I've always struggled with reading comprehension. It's a wonder I made it through school with decent grades, really. I can read just fine, but the information often doesn't "register". This has made it especially difficult for me to study. Luckily, I also believe in the power of prayer. In another post, I included on my bucket list my intention to read the scriptures in their entirety. This has proven to be a difficult task for me, but I know if I pray about it and read with honest intentions, I will be able to understand the things that our Father in Heaven would have me know. Though I've just scratched the surface of this subject, I think I've gotten my point across. We can apply this to all things in life. If we have faith, honest intentions, and are humble enough to seek help, we can accomplish things we never felt possible. We can't just believe something will happen, then sit back and wait. We must take action and practice our beliefs, so that we may progress in this life.

Do more than be fair, be kind:

If you've ever met my Mom, you would know the epitome of kindness. Thankfully, she instilled that in each of us kids. I hope that if nothing else, people believe that I am a kind person. "Fair" is such a trivial word in my opinion. Life doesn't seem to be fair for any of us. Which seems silly, really. If we all think life isn't fair, then that must mean we ALL have trials of some sort. I know I've been guilty of feeling envious of others, people who seem to have the perfect life, yet haven't lived the same "good" life I've lived. I think we've all felt that way in some capacity. What I'm learning, however, is that even those who APPEAR to have everything, also have trials in their lives, oftentimes harder trials than my own. The pure and simple fact that I have faith in a loving Heavenly Father, whom I can seek guidance and comfort from anytime of day or night puts me ahead of a lot of people. I have a wonderful family, we're all healthy, etc. The things that matter most in this life, I have been blessed with. Not everyone is so fortunate. So, be kind. Go above and beyond. Be the light that others are seeking.

Do more than forgive, forget:

If God can forgive us for all of our wrong doings in this life, we can not only forgive but forget instances when someone has hurt us or done a disservice to us. Truth is, if we don't "forget", we are still holding onto negative energy. Negative energy is what drags us all down. Satan thrives on negative energy. Do we really want to give him the opportunity to sneak in? It's not worth our time, it's not worth our energy, it's not worth it period. It's often human nature to be prideful, but we need to remember that we're not seeing the whole picture. People do things for reason, good or bad, it is a part of the journey. We experience things so that we can learn and grow. We must forgive and forget. Forgive others, forgive ourselves, and FORGET the negativity. Fill your glasses full and free yourselves from whatever is dragging you down. Move on, progress, give yourself wings!

Do more than dream, work:

Perfect time for a quote, don't you think? :)

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand that to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe." ~Gail Devers

Anyone who has conquered a dream, knows that it took work, a lot of hard work to get there. Think of all the famous believers. There are many. Our world has been changed because of them. If they hadn't put the work in, our lives may be quite different. Apply this to your own dreams, big or small. Don't be afraid to dream. Even if it requires work, your life will be changed...mostly through the process, but also once your dream is attained. Do it for yourself, but do it also for the world. If we all had faith and belief in ourselves, worked hard, remained determined and dedicated, think of what we could accomplish! With God, all things are possible!

As I've struggled this week, I've also been blessed. I'm not sure what sparked me to finally start this blog, but a weight has been lifted. I've given myself permission to seek not only my purpose in life, but a greater good. I was struggling to fall asleep the other night, and songs from my teenage days kept popping into my head, and they've continued to give me strength throughout the week. I will share some of the lyrics. I hope they give you some light and comfort in your life as well!

Learn of Me...

Learn of Me and listen to My words, Walk in the meakness of My life...

And I shall give you peace, My love will never cease,

For I am Jesus Christ.

I Walk by Faith...

I walk by faith, a daughter of Heavenly Parents.

Divine am I in nature by inheritance.

And someday when God has proven me, I'll see him face to face.

But just for here and now, I walk by faith.

Living...I mean *really* living!

There was a time in my life when I was actually pretty fun and somewhat adventurous. Somewhere between High School and Motherhood, I kinda let go of that side. Not completely, but I so often allow my every day life and stresses to take control. Truth is, being grown up is a lot less fun than we ever anticipate as children!

I've found that my husband is often telling me to "stop stressing" about everything. Easier said than done for sure, but I think it's fair to say that there's a middle ground. For those of you who know anything about my husband, he is just one of the kids. He told me again today to "stop stressing" and I replied, "then stop giving me so many reasons to stress!" His response to that, "that's never gonna happen." So, I guess I better find some ways to DE-STRESS!

One of the things my best friend and I used to do (keep in mind that we grew up in a pretty small town without much to do) was dress up funny, whether it be crazy hair, crazy makeup, or crazy clothes. One of our staple outfits was a pair of plaid or patterned golf shorts with some wild socks pulled up to our knees. We would go out on the town dressed like that and would just be goofy, without a care in the world what other people thought. I'm sure we were annoying to some, but I think for the most part, people got a kick out of us. We really loved to go bowling.

As I've been thinking a lot about self discovery and "who I am" lately, it made me kinda miss that side of myself. Not sure as a woman in my 30's I could really get away with that all the time, BUT I'm not opposed to a girls night where we all dress up funny and go bowling. Anybody else in?

In my last post, I spoke of a young lady who lost her life WAY too early. On her facebook page, she has a quote that says, "Lauging is good exercise...it's like jogging on the inside." It's so true! Not only is it good exercise, it's good therapy. I don't do it enough. I think it's super important, so I'm going to make an honest effort to find laughter in everything I do. There is a time and a place to be serious, but I believe there is still some sort of joy in every situation. I'm going to change my focus and make it a point to find that joy. I think it will keep me young(er) and will allow me to return to my roots a bit. It's okay to keep a bit of that child inside of us, right?

My husband and I were talking today about how boring we've become. We really have allowed our daily stresses to drain us, and it really affects our family. The world of technology has really opened my eyes to this in the last year. First off, we watch way too much tv as a family. Our kids play too many video games (especially in the Winter months). AND, I'm always reading on facebook about what fun things other families are doing. We really need to GET A LIFE! A tight budget hinders a lot of extracurricular activities and vacations with the fam, but I was telling Scott (my husband) that if we would stop spending money on video games and toys and other miscellaneous CRAP for the kids, we might actually be able to go on a vacation! We need to stop caring so much about material things and start creating memories for our family.

So, I am going to make a bucket list for myself. Some things might seem trivial, but it's really the little things in life that create the magic we remember later. If y'all would be so kind as to humor me...comment here, send me a message, or comment on facebook. Let me know what some of your families favorite past times are AND list a few of your bucket list items. I'm sure my list will grow, as I haven't put much thought into this yet. I want to challenge myself, though, to stop "hoping" for good things to come my way and instead create the life I see for myself and my family. The mind is a powerful thing. Make today and everyday great!

And just because this quote popped into my head and I didn't really find a good place to include it, I'm gonna do it here. :) "Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine." Another one of my favorites! I can't remember where I got it or who to give credit to, but if I find out, I will post it.

The beginnings of my bucket list (in completely random order):

-Go Bowling in Golf Shorts and High Socks (at least once a year)

*find friends willing to go with me ;)

-Find a tradition for each Holiday and carry it out

-Renew Wedding Vows and hire an AMAZING photographer

-Become an AMAZING photographer

-Return to School

-Compliment myself and my family members on something EVERY DAY

-Re-learn to play the piano (and maybe even flute)

-Travel out of the country (at least once)

-Travel out of state (at least once a year)

-Travel out of town (at least once a week) Haha...

-Write in a journal or blog at least weekly

-Learn to digital scrapbook (since I'm never going to get real scrapbooks completed)

-Read the ENTIRE Bible and Book of Mormon (and possibly some other religious books) without having to restart because I took too long of a break

-Learn how to swim

-Face my fears with confidence

-Find a cause I'm passionate about

-Learn Self Defense

-Learn to dance as if nobody's watching :)

-Learn to Sew and Crochet

-Do one last modeling shoot, just for the beauty of it!

-Love and understand ME and believe I'm beautiful, inside and out.

-Live, I mean REALLY live!

Well that's a start...I'll be adding to my list often, I'm sure. I hope the rest of ya will really share with me! AND live, REALLY live!

And so my journey begins...

A continuation of my life from yesterday. Today, I made a decision - to really allow myself to experience my own journey. To step outside the box. To make myself uncomfortable, so that I may find "my place" in this world.

I've considered blogging or journaling so many times, but I've chickened out on most occasions. I'm a step closer by actually typing these words, but we'll see if I'm brave enough to actually share them. I'm not really sure what my vision for this blog is, but I finally decided that if nothing else, it will be therapeutic for me. If I relate to someone else in the process and help someone along their journey, that's my jackpot! Though I sometimes feel alone in my experiences, I know that I'm not. I'm definitely not alone in life - I've got an amazing husband, who adores me I might add. Hehe. :) He has shared with me three beautiful gifts from Heaven, two sons and a daughter. We also have a wonderful extended family, who we are indebted to in so many ways! And most importantly, we have our Father in Heaven, who loves each of us unconditionally and who comforts and guides us when we seek Him.

Since I can remember, I've never really understood "my place" in life. I know that we all have a purpose. I've just always felt a bit like I've been on the outside, looking in. I've always been the shy, awkward girl. At least socially. Funny thing is, I'm not so sure that's the perception others have of me. I grew up with good friends, good family, good experiences. I played sports, took music lessons, went to school (except for when I didn't - shhhhh). :) I was even a cheerleader in High School. That's the ultimate, right? Totally kidding! The thing is, I've never been completely comfortable in my own skin. I've always been quiet and shy (thank you, Dad!). In fact, social situations often give me anxiety. It's exhausting!

Through the years I've given a lot of myself to others, which hasn't always paid off (hoping I've earned lots of stars in Heaven!). Growing up, I got along with most everyone, but I really kept a small, close circle of friends. When high school came to an end and we all went separate ways, it was really hard on me, especially because relationships changed. So...the guarded me became even more guarded. In college, I spent most of my time with my sister, who is 10 years older and was and still is married (not to discredit her coolness, she was just in a different phase of life). If I wasn't at school, work, or hanging with my sis, I was hanging with my boyfriend (at the time). Though he and I were really good friends, we were from different worlds in so many ways. He wasn't shy, like myself, but he was kind of a home body, so we didn't do much socially together. I talked to my peers in class but never once went and hung out or partied with any of them. Partly because I'm not a partying kinda gal, but also because I could never quite come out of my shell. Not sure I regret that, but I can't help but wonder what friendships I missed out on.

With the exception of my husband, I really haven't allowed anyone to get close to me in years! Thank goodness for my family. A girl still needs a good friend, though. Someone to confide in, a shoulder to cry on, a lunch date, someone to listen to, to laugh with, to love. A sister by choice! Guess I'm taking applications. ;)

I attended a funeral yesterday, and it made me ponder a lot of things. If I were diagnosed with a terminal cancer tomorrow, would I be able to find peace with the person I am? The young lady who's life we celebrated yesterday was only 33, a mother of one, and a friend to so many. Her best friend spoke about their childhood days together, and I couldn't help but think about my childhood best friend. Her and I are still friends today, but distant friends. Life happened, circumstances changed, we drifted. I truly believe that people come in and out of our lives for good reason and when we need them (or they need us) most. Even with that knowledge, it saddens me that I don't have a friendship like that today. It's mostly my own doing, I'm sure, so I'm trying to step outside the box. To love myself and to gain a better understanding of who I am, so that eventually, I can allow someone else to do the same.

I recently got a wild hair and on a whim, agreed to sign up for a relay race. I have never enjoyed running. I mean N-E-V-E-R. But I agreed. Partially because I need an excuse for some "me" time, partially because I know the exercise will do my body good, and partially because I need to take myself outside my comfort zone in order to grow. Let me tell you, spending 48 hours in a van with a bunch of girls I don't know very well all for the sake of running is DEFINITELY out of my comfort zone. I'm really nervous about it, but I'm also excited. I think it will be a huge growing experience for me on many levels. I will keep y'all posted on my progress as I continue this journey.

I'm hoping that through my journaling, I will find answers about myself, about life, about purpose. I've always been "ok" at most things, but I've never felt like I was GREAT at anything. This has hindered me and some of the aspirations I've had. I get so close to taking a leap of faith in something, than pull myself back before taking the jump. The fact of the matter is this, there will always be someone more talented, someone better educated, someone more spiritual, someone better looking, someone funnier...the list goes on. I'm learning, however, that that's ok! We all have our own story to write, and we can do it at our own pace. We all need to support one another and encourage each others strengths. I want the world to be a better place and in order for that to happen, we all need to be the best that we can be. I read a quote recently that struck a chord.

‎"At a tender age I discovered that it isn't doing spectacular things that makes you remarkable in the eyes of God, but instead, it is when you light just one candle to dispel a little bit of darkness that you are doing something tremendous. And if, as a global people, we put all the little bits of good together, we will overwhelm the world." - Archbishop Desmond Tutu

I love that. There is so much truth to it. I think we often pass judgement on people without thinking for one second what their circumstance are. I'm guilty. But if we remind ourselves that we all have a purpose. We all have strengths. We all have weaknesses. We all have a story. If we think of those things, maybe we can be the light in someone's day that they wouldn't have otherwise had. And if we light up the world, one candle at a time, it will be so worth it.

I have so many thoughts and as always, never enough time, so I'm going to bring this post to a close. Mainly for myself, I want to list some traits that come to mind about myself. I invite anyone reading to do the same. Take a look at who you are, what you'd like to work on, and challenge yourself to become the best YOU possible. Here's another quote that I've always loved (you'll soon learn that I'm kind of a quote geek).

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else." ~Judy Garland

I think I've remained pretty true to myself throughout my life. I just haven't allowed myself to spread my wings completely. I guess I've always been a bit afraid that my wings wouldn't open if I jumped. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, though. I hope that I learn to do that very thing, so I don't miss out on something or someone the Lord intended for me to enjoy.

Who I am today, March 18, 2011:

A Daughter of God (but also of amazing earthly parents)

A Sister

A Wife

A Mother

A Friend (and a work in progress)

Quiet/Shy

Vulnerable

Positive

Kind

Giving

Loving

Quirky

Strong

Emotional

Lazy at times...overly ambitious other times.

Not a follower, but not really a leader, either.

Ok, I'm sure there is plenty more, but my brain in starting to hurt. =oP

To REALLY close this time, I have to share one more quote. Not only does it go along with this post, but I've randomly come across it a few times over the last week, so I must share.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein.

Lets learn to stop judging and start embracing each other. Together, we can change the world!